My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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