Are we in a gay sports bar?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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