I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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