I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just blew my weed a kiss
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
