Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
