Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Randomize
