You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
