i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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