I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
