No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We're too hungover to prance.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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