i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm sobbing to NWA
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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