i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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