Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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