I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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