dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
