so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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