I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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