elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just pee around me
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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