I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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