it wasn't lemon gatorade
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
