I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
we're so committed to being not committed
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
