jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
God, I missed his penis.
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