I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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