I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
