Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
