me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
