I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
