Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
