Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
