He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
