There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
