he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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