think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
my poor anus
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
