I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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