I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You took a bar mat shot.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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