He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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