Your mouth is God's brothel.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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