he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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