Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
