My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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