and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
