He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
