I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
