While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
