Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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