then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
