just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
