I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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