Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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