All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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