okay pat passed out under dana's car
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
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