I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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