we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
