When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
