If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
