This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
i out mim tonsoeep
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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