Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
