I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
