I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
