Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
