Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
