I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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